Okay so i know that you've probably been wondering "Where's Ty at?" Maybe you've been thinking that I've been off on some enchanted island fighting dragons, eating mangos and kiwis (not really enchanted fruit but there's something enchanting about them to me) and teaching the local inhabitants the language of Pig Latin "Ull Fay O Fay Hit Say, Ou Yay Ay Say?" Oh no! you say she wouldn't do that, she's probably off somewhere pursuing her doctorate (i swear i typed it 5 times cause it didnt look right) in Space Studies (sounds like a legit major). Nope i wasn't doing that either. In fact I've been doing the opposite of that. I haven't been doing anything in the way of making myself smarter, I've been dumbing myself down. I've been watching filth reality t.v., watching all kinds of Sci-Fi shows, reading books that make me want to grow up and be a wizard (hiho Dresden Files Series) and gaining weight.
While all of that would seem like a waste of time to the mere lay person, I've heard somewhere (in my own mind of course) that this is the precise course of life that the great Ernest Hemingway took. Not that I'm trying to be a great literary genius or anything I'm just saying I heard he was a big time drunk and my lights are out with two wine coolers so I'm doing quite well on the road of life. Anyways me and Fiance' now have his three boys living with us so its my two girls his three boys, and yes you heard right Boyfriend is now Fiance', we're getting married in August of this year. He's finally tricked me into marrying him the lucky dog! My favorite male bestie moved back to Cali *boooo, groan, sniffle* and i havent been able to find a suitable replacement for him yet. But i do have some cool new female friends so i guess that's ok. Wherever you are Nando just know that one of you equals about 3 weird and hopelessly romantic girly girls who are good with glue guns. Not sure if that's a compliment or not. I'll have to think about that one.
Anyways I'm back to blogging. It seems that without my usual outlet of being able to voice outloud the Random Foolishness that creeps into the crevices of my brain I've become quite insane and i don't care what the medical field says there just aint no pill for that. Updates coming soon........
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Friday, September 23, 2011
Your Worm in my Seeds
Ok so the title is a little off putting I know but hey who cares. This is my open letter about to Davis sunflower seeds about a worm and a bag of overpriced sunflower seeds. Picture it Sicily 1935......lol j/k but please picture it....
DearWhoever let that worm get into my seeds David sunflower seed company,
I am writing this letter because on some previous weekend I purchased your overpriced ass seeds at a local Walgreens. Now let me be clear i don't usually buy your product because i can get 2 bags for $1 of Frito Lays seeds from any gas station but that's neither here nor there. This particular day I was on my way to one of my stepson's football games which Boyfriend coaches. There was no said gas stations around to purchase my usual bag of seeds so i bit the bullet and bought them from Walgreens. I even bought bags for my football mom friends who i gossip with during the games. Well lo and behold come Monday I'm sitting at my desk and to show you just how much the powers that be wanted your company to be exposed for the frauds they are i ate my seeds a little different that day. Usually i spit my opened shells into a cup or empty juice bottle but that day i chose to spit them onto a napkin. Well in between a lull where i had a couple of calls back to back i happened to look down at my spat out seeds and noticed one that didn't look quite like the others.
Now let me preface this by saying that I wear glasses but i didn't wear them that day. Its not like i can't see without them, its just that working at a computer day in and day out has made my vision just a little less than perfect. But not so imperfect that when i glanced down at this irregular shell i couldn't help but notice the ridges on the shell not indicative to sunflower seeds. *notice how i used indicative? they use that word regularly on crime shows* I then moved my face in closer and this is what i saw:
That ain't no damn seed. That looks like a finely roasted maggot. Now don't get me wrong. I am not weirded out for the fact that i hate a roasted maggot in my mouth. Some people around the world eat these little worms for protein. I don't. That yet and still isn't my issue with you Mr. David. My issue is that i paid for a bag of sunflower seeds and what i got was a roasted maggot. Now before you get your panties in a bunch understand my plight here. If i had strolled into Walgreens and purchased a bag of roasted maggots and then got home and spit out a sunflower seed there would be some "splainin' to do Lucy". What also made me upset is that because my taste buds were set to seeds and not maggot i promptly because disinterested in my bag of seeds, which prompted me to throw them away. Ever had a taste for steak and got a hamburger and just couldn't finish it? Same thing here. Which meant that not only had i not received what i paid for, but then i threw the rest of the bag of seeds away because they would now taste like maggots to my tongue.
Now Mr. David please understand I'm not looking for any compensation from you, I'm not looking for people to boycott your product. What i am looking for is some truth in advertising. If Quality Assurance Guy #5 isn't going to do his job of making sure my seeds are maggot free then I'd at least like a choice as to whether I'm buying sunflower seeds enhanced with larvae or just plain sunflower seeds. You have no problem with labeling your other flavors. You have Ranch, BBQ, Original, Nacho Cheese, Jalapeno, Chili Lime, Dill Pickle and even a Reduced Sodium flavor. All I'm asking is for you to label your products correctly from here on out.
Thank you,
A concerned seed eater.
Dear
I am writing this letter because on some previous weekend I purchased your overpriced ass seeds at a local Walgreens. Now let me be clear i don't usually buy your product because i can get 2 bags for $1 of Frito Lays seeds from any gas station but that's neither here nor there. This particular day I was on my way to one of my stepson's football games which Boyfriend coaches. There was no said gas stations around to purchase my usual bag of seeds so i bit the bullet and bought them from Walgreens. I even bought bags for my football mom friends who i gossip with during the games. Well lo and behold come Monday I'm sitting at my desk and to show you just how much the powers that be wanted your company to be exposed for the frauds they are i ate my seeds a little different that day. Usually i spit my opened shells into a cup or empty juice bottle but that day i chose to spit them onto a napkin. Well in between a lull where i had a couple of calls back to back i happened to look down at my spat out seeds and noticed one that didn't look quite like the others.
Now let me preface this by saying that I wear glasses but i didn't wear them that day. Its not like i can't see without them, its just that working at a computer day in and day out has made my vision just a little less than perfect. But not so imperfect that when i glanced down at this irregular shell i couldn't help but notice the ridges on the shell not indicative to sunflower seeds. *notice how i used indicative? they use that word regularly on crime shows* I then moved my face in closer and this is what i saw:
That ain't no damn seed. That looks like a finely roasted maggot. Now don't get me wrong. I am not weirded out for the fact that i hate a roasted maggot in my mouth. Some people around the world eat these little worms for protein. I don't. That yet and still isn't my issue with you Mr. David. My issue is that i paid for a bag of sunflower seeds and what i got was a roasted maggot. Now before you get your panties in a bunch understand my plight here. If i had strolled into Walgreens and purchased a bag of roasted maggots and then got home and spit out a sunflower seed there would be some "splainin' to do Lucy". What also made me upset is that because my taste buds were set to seeds and not maggot i promptly because disinterested in my bag of seeds, which prompted me to throw them away. Ever had a taste for steak and got a hamburger and just couldn't finish it? Same thing here. Which meant that not only had i not received what i paid for, but then i threw the rest of the bag of seeds away because they would now taste like maggots to my tongue.
Now Mr. David please understand I'm not looking for any compensation from you, I'm not looking for people to boycott your product. What i am looking for is some truth in advertising. If Quality Assurance Guy #5 isn't going to do his job of making sure my seeds are maggot free then I'd at least like a choice as to whether I'm buying sunflower seeds enhanced with larvae or just plain sunflower seeds. You have no problem with labeling your other flavors. You have Ranch, BBQ, Original, Nacho Cheese, Jalapeno, Chili Lime, Dill Pickle and even a Reduced Sodium flavor. All I'm asking is for you to label your products correctly from here on out.
Thank you,
A concerned seed eater.
Allergy Conspiracy
Okay before I even start this post let me say that I typed the word conspiracy out at least 5 times because it didn't look right before i typed it into a separate word document to make sure. Of course i had been spelling it wrong and that's why it looked so weird to me. I was spelling it conspiricy and it hadn't clicked in my head that duh try an "a" instead of an "i". With that being said on to the topic at hand.
Alright, if you've read my other posts then you know that I've all of a sudden developed allergies. Since my first post on this subject my allergies have persisted and I'm am at a loss for what I'm supposed to do. Allergies are the herpes of the head illness world. Yes i called it a head illness, i couldn't think of a better term to describe sicknesses that deal with your head nose and ears all together. I've been self medicating with Zyrtec-D but its becoming a expensive habit. Every time i have to go into Walgreens and purchase a box of this stuff i have to trudge to the pharmacy counter, give them my id and then pay at least $20-$24 for this medicine. Here's the scene.
Me: Ughhh my nose is stopped up again and when i blow nothing comes out.
Boyfriend: What do you want me to do? You have allergies now, deal with it.
*note* Boyfriend doesn't feel bad for me because he broke his nose years back and opted out of going to the doctor so he can't even blow his nose now or the cartilage moves and he has to push it back into place. So his nose functions suck to the umpteenth power. He's the epitome of male laziness when it comes to his health, but that's another post.
Me:*baby voice* But i don't want "The Allergies". They make it hard to breath and everything smells like boogers.
Boyfriend: What the.....*sigh* what does boogers smell like babe?
Me: boogers smell like snot, dried snot...duh...
Boyfriend: *sigh* what does snot smell like
Me: *sigh* snot smells like boogers....don't act like you can't smell boogers in your nose.
Boyfriend: I can't and I don't....you're a nut job.
Me: You can, you just don't know you're smelling your boogers...its like when you smell something stinky but you can't figure out where its coming from and it doesn't smell like any smell you know but you know that you've smelled it before....that's booger aroma.
Boyfriend: You know what i can't take you right now....go take a pill.
Me: I'm out of allergy pills
Boyfriend: I was speaking of a cyanide pill but whatever, how did you run out of allergy pills? You know you needed more medicine before it ran out.
Me: Of course but the last time i went to Walgreens i had a choice of spending money on allergy pills or gummy bears and extra wash rags and the allergy pills didn't present a convincing enough commercial ad in my head.
*anyone who knows me knows that i have a obscene amount of wash cloths..like over 70*
Boyfriend: What the....*sighs* I'll buy your medicine, lets go.
Me: Yay!!! Let's go get some medicine.
As you can guess the car ride to the store is wrought with tension but I'm none the wiser as i am babbling away about some crazy blog I've started reading and Boyfriend is staring out of the window possibly wondering how he can set up an insurance policy for me and then kill me or planning on how he can unlock the doors while I'm driving and unhook my seat belt and push me out the door without crashing the truck and causing harm to himself. He's spends way too much time contemplating my demise. And then at last we arrive at Walgreens.
Boyfriend: Look when we get in here go get your medicine and get in line, no fooling around buying random crap.
Me: I don't buy crap, you're crap *note here i think my comeback was witty*
Boyfriend: I'd like to push you on the ground just one good time, i swear.
Me: I'd like to push you on the ground one good time.
Boyfriend: walks away mumbling to himself
I then proceed to walk around Walgreens in the same fashion i do every time. I pick up the washrags cause hey a pack is $5. Then i go in the chip aisle and buy a enormous amount of jerky and meat sticks. I then go and buy two bottles of baby oil gel cause i hate being ashy and when i see Boyfriend rounding the aisle corner looking for me i run to the medicine aisle and grab the slip for my medicine and hurry to the pharmacy counter.
Boyfriend: Where have you been?
Me: uh duh, here at the pharmacy.
Boyfriend: No you haven't i came back here looking for you and you weren't here....*looking at my stash of crap* What the.....I'm not paying for that junk...and you picked up more wash rags?
Me: *imitating Obi Wan while waving my fingers in his face* These are not the items you are looking for.
Boyfriend: No these are not the item you are looking for, put them back.
Me: You're being a jerk, stop being a jerk its not sexy.
Boyfriend: I don't have to be sexy, I have you. Put them back.
Cashier: Did you need the 15 pack or the 24 pack of medicine?
Me: *ignoring boyfriend* the 24 pack, thank you.
Boyfriend: I'm not buying this stuff Tynisha.
Me: *to the cashier, and still ignoring Boyfriend* Oh and I'd like to check out here also.
Now here is when we have the official Walgreens counter Mexican Standoff. Generally you have this situation with a child who wants you to spend your hard earned dollars on the ball of putty or the cheap knockoff version of a Nerf gun and even though you told them no in the aisle they still bring the item into the line and now you two are having a epic stare down while western duel music is playing in the background and the cashier is looking like a deer caught in headlights on a deserted road. But of course i never have this situation happen to me because my kids are scared of me, but i do this to Boyfriend quite often.
Boyfriend: You're only getting the meds.
Me: But i need this stuff.
Boyfriend: You need more wash rags and jerky?
Me: Yes, wash rags help keep my body clean and the jerky helps keep me awake at work so i don't get fired. These are needed supplies.
Boyfriend: You have a stupid amount of wash rags already, why do you need to use a new one everyday? And i highly doubt jerky is the factor in whether or not you keep your job.
Me: It is, you know I'm hypo...hyperglycemic and i need the jerky to keep my energy levels up while I'm at work, and using the same washrag everyday is nasty, its like washing up with the same dirt from yesterday.
Boyfriend: You still fall asleep at your desk everyday so the jerky doesn't even work, you're being greedy and dammit wash the rag out and hang it up to dry its still good the next day.
Me: Did you just call me fat?
Boyfriend: What? No i called you greedy.
Me: No you just danced around calling me fat. Being greedy when it deal with food products is giving the implication that I'm fat.
Boyfriend: Tynisha I didn't call you fat, stop trying to argue.
Me: Oh now I'm being bitchy too? Well now aren't you being loving.
Boyfriend: Huh? Look girl get the meds and lets go.
Me: Oh so now I'm a slave too, you're just gonna yell out things for me to do and cause I'm black I'm just supposed to do them?
Cashier: *utter shock and disbelief*
Boyfriend: What the F*#K? I'm black too what are you talking about?
Me: Oh so now you wanna be black?
*I should note Boyfriend is black, very black...almost the color black... but its always a good conversation gut punch when you accuse black people of not wanting to be black. LOL*
Boyfriend: You know what, I don't care get your meds and the crap *slaps money on the counter* I'll be in the car.
Me: *to cashier* He's such a drama queen.
I then leave the store satisfied with my spoils of war and i get to truck where boyfriend is sitting in the passenger seat fuming. I proceed to put my bags in the back and as i put my seat belt on i look at Boyfriends and say....
Me: I love you....and i bought you gummy bears
Boyfriend: Damn the candy, and you don't love me cause you consistently try to drive me crazy
Me: I do love you, that why i put the time and effort into driving you crazy. If i didn't love you I wouldn't waste my time.
Boyfriend:
Me: *kisses him on cheek*
Boyfriend: Give me the damn gummy bears girl.
Alright, if you've read my other posts then you know that I've all of a sudden developed allergies. Since my first post on this subject my allergies have persisted and I'm am at a loss for what I'm supposed to do. Allergies are the herpes of the head illness world. Yes i called it a head illness, i couldn't think of a better term to describe sicknesses that deal with your head nose and ears all together. I've been self medicating with Zyrtec-D but its becoming a expensive habit. Every time i have to go into Walgreens and purchase a box of this stuff i have to trudge to the pharmacy counter, give them my id and then pay at least $20-$24 for this medicine. Here's the scene.
Me: Ughhh my nose is stopped up again and when i blow nothing comes out.
Boyfriend: What do you want me to do? You have allergies now, deal with it.
*note* Boyfriend doesn't feel bad for me because he broke his nose years back and opted out of going to the doctor so he can't even blow his nose now or the cartilage moves and he has to push it back into place. So his nose functions suck to the umpteenth power. He's the epitome of male laziness when it comes to his health, but that's another post.
Me:*baby voice* But i don't want "The Allergies". They make it hard to breath and everything smells like boogers.
Boyfriend: What the.....*sigh* what does boogers smell like babe?
Me: boogers smell like snot, dried snot...duh...
Boyfriend: *sigh* what does snot smell like
Me: *sigh* snot smells like boogers....don't act like you can't smell boogers in your nose.
Boyfriend: I can't and I don't....you're a nut job.
Me: You can, you just don't know you're smelling your boogers...its like when you smell something stinky but you can't figure out where its coming from and it doesn't smell like any smell you know but you know that you've smelled it before....that's booger aroma.
Boyfriend: You know what i can't take you right now....go take a pill.
Me: I'm out of allergy pills
Boyfriend: I was speaking of a cyanide pill but whatever, how did you run out of allergy pills? You know you needed more medicine before it ran out.
Me: Of course but the last time i went to Walgreens i had a choice of spending money on allergy pills or gummy bears and extra wash rags and the allergy pills didn't present a convincing enough commercial ad in my head.
*anyone who knows me knows that i have a obscene amount of wash cloths..like over 70*
Boyfriend: What the....*sighs* I'll buy your medicine, lets go.
Me: Yay!!! Let's go get some medicine.
As you can guess the car ride to the store is wrought with tension but I'm none the wiser as i am babbling away about some crazy blog I've started reading and Boyfriend is staring out of the window possibly wondering how he can set up an insurance policy for me and then kill me or planning on how he can unlock the doors while I'm driving and unhook my seat belt and push me out the door without crashing the truck and causing harm to himself. He's spends way too much time contemplating my demise. And then at last we arrive at Walgreens.
Boyfriend: Look when we get in here go get your medicine and get in line, no fooling around buying random crap.
Me: I don't buy crap, you're crap *note here i think my comeback was witty*
Boyfriend: I'd like to push you on the ground just one good time, i swear.
Me: I'd like to push you on the ground one good time.
Boyfriend: walks away mumbling to himself
I then proceed to walk around Walgreens in the same fashion i do every time. I pick up the washrags cause hey a pack is $5. Then i go in the chip aisle and buy a enormous amount of jerky and meat sticks. I then go and buy two bottles of baby oil gel cause i hate being ashy and when i see Boyfriend rounding the aisle corner looking for me i run to the medicine aisle and grab the slip for my medicine and hurry to the pharmacy counter.
Boyfriend: Where have you been?
Me: uh duh, here at the pharmacy.
Boyfriend: No you haven't i came back here looking for you and you weren't here....*looking at my stash of crap* What the.....I'm not paying for that junk...and you picked up more wash rags?
Me: *imitating Obi Wan while waving my fingers in his face* These are not the items you are looking for.
Boyfriend: No these are not the item you are looking for, put them back.
Me: You're being a jerk, stop being a jerk its not sexy.
Boyfriend: I don't have to be sexy, I have you. Put them back.
Cashier: Did you need the 15 pack or the 24 pack of medicine?
Me: *ignoring boyfriend* the 24 pack, thank you.
Boyfriend: I'm not buying this stuff Tynisha.
Me: *to the cashier, and still ignoring Boyfriend* Oh and I'd like to check out here also.
Now here is when we have the official Walgreens counter Mexican Standoff. Generally you have this situation with a child who wants you to spend your hard earned dollars on the ball of putty or the cheap knockoff version of a Nerf gun and even though you told them no in the aisle they still bring the item into the line and now you two are having a epic stare down while western duel music is playing in the background and the cashier is looking like a deer caught in headlights on a deserted road. But of course i never have this situation happen to me because my kids are scared of me, but i do this to Boyfriend quite often.
Boyfriend: You're only getting the meds.
Me: But i need this stuff.
Boyfriend: You need more wash rags and jerky?
Me: Yes, wash rags help keep my body clean and the jerky helps keep me awake at work so i don't get fired. These are needed supplies.
Boyfriend: You have a stupid amount of wash rags already, why do you need to use a new one everyday? And i highly doubt jerky is the factor in whether or not you keep your job.
Me: It is, you know I'm hypo...hyperglycemic and i need the jerky to keep my energy levels up while I'm at work, and using the same washrag everyday is nasty, its like washing up with the same dirt from yesterday.
Boyfriend: You still fall asleep at your desk everyday so the jerky doesn't even work, you're being greedy and dammit wash the rag out and hang it up to dry its still good the next day.
Me: Did you just call me fat?
Boyfriend: What? No i called you greedy.
Me: No you just danced around calling me fat. Being greedy when it deal with food products is giving the implication that I'm fat.
Boyfriend: Tynisha I didn't call you fat, stop trying to argue.
Me: Oh now I'm being bitchy too? Well now aren't you being loving.
Boyfriend: Huh? Look girl get the meds and lets go.
Me: Oh so now I'm a slave too, you're just gonna yell out things for me to do and cause I'm black I'm just supposed to do them?
Cashier: *utter shock and disbelief*
Boyfriend: What the F*#K? I'm black too what are you talking about?
Me: Oh so now you wanna be black?
*I should note Boyfriend is black, very black...almost the color black... but its always a good conversation gut punch when you accuse black people of not wanting to be black. LOL*
Boyfriend: You know what, I don't care get your meds and the crap *slaps money on the counter* I'll be in the car.
Me: *to cashier* He's such a drama queen.
I then leave the store satisfied with my spoils of war and i get to truck where boyfriend is sitting in the passenger seat fuming. I proceed to put my bags in the back and as i put my seat belt on i look at Boyfriends and say....
Me: I love you....and i bought you gummy bears
Boyfriend: Damn the candy, and you don't love me cause you consistently try to drive me crazy
Me: I do love you, that why i put the time and effort into driving you crazy. If i didn't love you I wouldn't waste my time.
Boyfriend:
Me: *kisses him on cheek*
Boyfriend: Give me the damn gummy bears girl.
Don't call it a comeback.
Okay so its been a while since I've posted and I know what you're thinking. OMG what happened? Did she die did she fall off the earth? Did she hit the lotto and run away with her winnings while madly laughing screaming "To hell with you peasants!"? No that was not the case. Its just that once i set my mind to doing something on a regular basis my mind sets itself to NOT do that particular action. I have since been in a creative slump. Sure weird and funny things have crossed my mind as they always do but when i get the urge to type them up my mind says "Ughhh not today, I'd rather spend my time catching up on reruns of Scared Straight and watching those morally corrupt women on Bad Girls Club season 7 fight it out." And i apologize because the smut and prison shows usually win when they are in competition with my brain actually having to function.
With that being said one of my male besties (I have to differentiate that because I was told by another male friend that male associates don't like being called besties but WHATEVS!) asked me why i hadnt been posting and that he actually subscribed to my madness. It touched my heart and it also made me laugh because I finally have proof that he's just as much as a nutball as I am. I live this madness and now he's subscribing to it..LOL or El-O-El as I saw it posted on some random blog somewhere. So to end it all in a timely fashion, Im back! That is until the new episode of Finn and Jack or the Regular Show catches up with me.
With that being said one of my male besties (I have to differentiate that because I was told by another male friend that male associates don't like being called besties but WHATEVS!) asked me why i hadnt been posting and that he actually subscribed to my madness. It touched my heart and it also made me laugh because I finally have proof that he's just as much as a nutball as I am. I live this madness and now he's subscribing to it..LOL or El-O-El as I saw it posted on some random blog somewhere. So to end it all in a timely fashion, Im back! That is until the new episode of Finn and Jack or the Regular Show catches up with me.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Dear Allergies
Dear adult onset allergies,
F-you!
Why would you wait until i was 29 to cause me so much pain? I've never had to deal with allergies...okay well maybe that one year where I was allergic to chocolate and broke out in hives every time Iwould eat some which was quite often cause I really like chocolate. But other than that one span of 12 calendar months I've never had allergies. And now for the last three weeks my nose and eyes have been assaulted in the worst way. What have I done to you Sir Allergy? Did I offend you in some way? Did I drive by you while it was raining and you were on the bus stop and splash you unknowingly? Did I come to your house uninvited and eat your last bag of chips in the pantry? Did I call dibs on your creamsicle and lick it so that you wouldn't want it? No? Then why the hell are my eyes itchy?
F-you!
Why would you wait until i was 29 to cause me so much pain? I've never had to deal with allergies...okay well maybe that one year where I was allergic to chocolate and broke out in hives every time Iwould eat some which was quite often cause I really like chocolate. But other than that one span of 12 calendar months I've never had allergies. And now for the last three weeks my nose and eyes have been assaulted in the worst way. What have I done to you Sir Allergy? Did I offend you in some way? Did I drive by you while it was raining and you were on the bus stop and splash you unknowingly? Did I come to your house uninvited and eat your last bag of chips in the pantry? Did I call dibs on your creamsicle and lick it so that you wouldn't want it? No? Then why the hell are my eyes itchy?
Why is my nose draining?
Why am I feeling so fatigued? Why am I chewing Sudafed like candy every 6 hours? You suck allergies!!! I hope one day you're leaving your house on your way to work (assaulting some other poor fool) and some stray dog saunters by and drops a load on your new pair of shoes, and I hope they are suede so no matter how many times you clean them they still smell like stray dog poop. which smells much worse than domesticated dog poop because stray dogs eat things like dead alley rats and the leftover taco meat in the dumpster behind Taco Bell. On my list of things to hate you rate a close third behind oatmeal and mop water. You sir are a A** Clown.
Sincerely,
Me
In Real Life: The Reverse Card
You: Hmmm....i really need to venture beneath the basement stairs and bring up that box of diddly doo wops. Not that there is anything of importance in the box but there is the matter of the basement monster Randolph and while I am deathly afraid of him I also don't want him rummaging through my personal items. He is the nosey sort.
*the unknowing victim appears*
Victim: Well hello chum, i need to ask a favor of you.
You: Yeah what is it.
Victim: I need to borrow a couple of your diddly doo wops, mine seem to be on the fritz.
You: Again! you know what......*light bulb* you know what...i happen to have a whole box of them in the basement. ANNNNDDDDD.....*reverse card* if you're willing to go down to the basement and grab that box underneath the stairs and bring it up here I'd gladly let you hang on to a couple of the diddly doo wops.
Victim: Well now it must be my lucky day *exit stage left to retrieve box*
You: mwahahahaha everything is going according to plan
Now we all know how this ends. The victim goes downstairs thinking you have a uninhabited basement and searches under the steps for the box. Unfortunately for them Randolph has heard the ENTIRE conversation you two had as he is the nosey sort and has moved the box from beneath the stairs deeper into the basement probably by the furnace. So your victim yells up the stairs and says "I don't see the box!" but you know its down there and you know that not only is Randolph nosey he's also very sneaky, as monsters tend to be. So you yell back "Check near the furnace!" because where else would sneaky Randolph put the box. So you hear some fumbling and footsteps and the AHA! moment of the victim finding the box. You hear their footsteps coming toward the steps and just as their foot touches the first step you hear screaming as they realize Randolph is upon them. You run to the top of the stairs and see them in the fight of their life against Randolph and what do you do? You run down the stairs, grab the box and sprint back up the stairs to safety while Randolph is preoccupied with what was once your victim now his. And that there is how you successfully play a reverse card.
Now to apply a reverse card in a everyday situation which would be much more dull but probably used more often see below for the example.
You: Man I'm thirsty but I'm too lazy to go down the hall to the soda machine for a delicious soda.
Victim: Hey <----insert name here, can i borrow $1.00
You: Of course, hey can you grab me a soda out of the vending machine?
Victim: Well you are giving me a $1.00 and I am up out of my seat dilly dallying so sure.
You: Score!!!
And that sir is a well played reverse card. Do be careful though, you wont be the only one out there with one so make sure not to ask a favor of someone who also holds a reverse card. It could make for a very long favor asking session and that would just be futile wouldn't it?
My Very First Post
So this is my very first post. I won't bore you with a long introduction. We'll just act as if we've known each other for a very long time, maybe like we went to school together, or grew up on the same street together, even like i beat you up once as a kid. We'll be very laid back and comfortable with each other. I'll pick your brain and your boogers and you'll listen to my random ridiculous thoughts and love them. Or you'll read them, figure out I'm quite nutty and decide to not visit my blog ever again. Either way if you're reading this right now im already inside your head running my sticky fingers through your brain wrinkles...and what nice wrinkles they are.
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